Navigating holidays and special occasions can be emotionally tender and sometimes challenging for divorced families. Planning holidays as co-parents becomes smoother when parents plan ahead, keep their child’s needs at the heart of every decision, and agree on clear yet flexible holiday schedule they can both commit to. For co-parents, the challenge lies not only in logistics but also in gently preserving their child’s sense of joy, safety and stability throughout the holidays.
Why holidays and special occasions matter for children of divorce
Holidays and special occasions are emotionally significant for children. They help anchor family traditions, reinforce cultural identity, and create lasting memories. When parents separate, these events can become sources of stress or confusion for a child. Research shows that children benefit most when both parents remain emotionally present and cooperative during these times.
Key benefits of thoughtful co-parenting during holidays include:
- Emotional stability: Children feel secure when they know what to expect. They feel valued when they see both parents working together to prioritise their needs.
- Continuity of traditions: Maintaining or adapting family rituals helps children feel connected to both sides of their family heritage and their cultural background.
- Positive emotional development: Shared joyful experiences contribute to a child’s sense of self-worth and emotional resilience.
Common challenges in planning holidays and special occasions
Co-parents often face:
- Scheduling conflicts: Balancing time between households, extended family, and school events.
- Differing traditions: Navigating cultural or religious differences in celebration styles.
- Emotional stress: Children may feel torn between parents, while parents may struggle with loneliness or resentment.
Strategies for successful planning of holiday and special occasions
- Start planning ahead and communicate early and clearly.
Begin the conversation in advance. Focus on the child’s experience and use neutral language that avoids blame or emotional triggers. For example, instead of saying, “You always take the best days,” say, “Let’s look at the calendar together and see how we can make this fair for both of us and enjoyable for the kids.” Shared calendars or co-parenting apps can help track plans and reduce misunderstandings.
- Create a holiday or special occasion custody schedule
Make provision for holidays and special occasions in your co-parenting plans. Specify which parent has the child on key festive periods, holidays, and special occasions, such as New Year, Lunar New Year, Eid, Christmas, Deepavali, birthdays, and other meaningful family dates.
- Honour traditions – Old and New
Allow space for both parents to continue familiar traditions or create new ones. For example, if one parent traditionally hosts Lunar New Year dinner, keep that tradition, while the other parent might introduce a new activity like a family hike on New Year’s Day.
- Be flexible and child-centred
Children’s needs evolve. As they grow, involve them in planning so they feel included and excited. For example, ask, “Would you like to open gifts at Dad’s in the morning and then have dinner with Mom?” Prioritise emotional comfort over rigid fairness. Young children may experience a wide range of emotions during the holidays, from excitement and joy to sadness and confusion. Be prepared for these emotional responses and encourage them to express those feelings openly. Help your child experience emotional safety by creating an environment where they feel free to love both parents without fear of guilt or conflict. For instance, reassure them by saying, ‘You don’t have to choose sides. We both love you,’ and avoid negative talk about the other parent. Consistent routines and calm communication between parents help children feel secure and valued.
- Practice self-empathy and self-care
Divorce can be emotionally taxing especially during family centred times like festive seasons and special occasions. It is important to practice self-empathy by acknowledging and managing your own emotions without judgment. Telling yourself that “It’s okay to feel sad that traditions have changed. I’m doing my best for my child.” Seek support from friends, counsellors or support groups so you can stay centred, calm, and focused on what your children need most during these periods. Modelling emotional regulation so you don’t spill your strong emotion over into interactions with your child. If you feel anger rising during a discussion, pause, take deep breaths, or suggest continuing later. Techniques like mindfulness, journaling, or seeking support from friends or counsellors can help.
Conclusion
Planning holidays as co-parents is not just about logistics. It is also about creating emotionally safe, joyful experiences for children. With empathy, planning, and flexibility, co-parents can transform potentially stressful occasions into opportunities for healing and connection. By communicating gently, clearly and openly, supporting one another’s traditions, and focusing on building a calm and harmonious atmosphere, co-parents can help their children to experience joyful and memorable holidays and special occasions.
Written by: Veronica Ng, Snr Counsellor, Fei Yue Community Services
If you are going through a divorce and would like emotional support for yourself or your children, reach out to us via [email protected] or call us at 62355229. We provide free counselling and support group programmes for divorcing families
