When people say, “It takes a village to raise a child,” I used to think it was simply a nice saying. Today, as a parent of three children, I know it is one of the truest statements about parenting.
My husband and I are raising three children: our 10-year-old son and our seven-year-old twin daughters. Like many families in Singapore, we are a dual-income household. Between work commitments, school schedules, enrichment classes, household responsibilities, and the effort to carve out time for each other as a couple, life often feels like controlled chaos, held together by shared calendars, WhatsApp messages, coffee, and pure willpower.
But the reality is that no amount of planning can prepare you for everything.
I still remember the moment we found out we were expecting twins.
The excitement was quickly accompanied by anxiety and helplessness. We already had a young child, and my immediate thought was: How are we going to do this? Caring for two newborns and a preschooler at the same time felt overwhelming. I could not imagine how we would manage the sleepless nights, feeding schedules, childcare arrangements, and everything else that came with raising three young children.
Then came another challenge that we could not have anticipated.
Our twins spent their first year amid the COVID-19 pandemic.
Like many families, we found ourselves navigating uncertainty, restrictions, and isolation. There were moments when I felt helpless and exhausted, wondering how we were going to keep up with the relentless demands of caring for two babies and a growing preschooler.
Looking back, I realise that what carried us through was not our strength alone. It was our village.
Our parents became our lifeline during that season. Whether it was helping with caregiving, preparing meals, or simply being present, their support gave us the breathing room we desperately needed.
Beyond family, our church community became an extension of our family. The aunties and uncles at church watched our children grow up. They celebrated milestones, checked in on us, offered practical help, and provided encouragement when parenting felt especially difficult. For our children, they became trusted adults who cared deeply about them. For us as parents, they reminded us that we were not navigating this journey alone.
Some of the most meaningful support also came from our neighbours. There were neighbours who shared meals with us, creating opportunities for connection and friendship amid busy schedules. One family offered to take our preschooler with them when they took their own children out to play. What may have seemed like a small gesture gave us something incredibly valuable: a chance to catch our breath and, more importantly, to feel cared for during a season when we needed it most.
In Singapore, where many families are juggling demanding careers while trying to provide the best for their children, it is easy to fall into the mindset that we should be able to handle everything ourselves. Yet my parenting journey has taught me otherwise.
Building a village is not a sign of weakness. It is an acknowledgement that parenting was never meant to be done in isolation. We all need people who can step in when we are stretched thin, celebrate milestones with us, and remind us that we are doing better than we think.
Every year, when we celebrate our children’s birthdays, I find myself reflecting not just on how much they have grown, but on the people who have helped us get here. I think about the grandparents who showed up without being asked, the church friends who became uncles and aunties to our children, the neighbours who shared meals and offered a helping hand, and the many others who journeyed alongside us through the years.
Our village helped raise our children. They also helped us grow as parents. And for that, I will always be grateful.
How are you building a village to help raise your children?
Written by: Rachel Choo, Assistant Director, Fei Yue Community Services
